So with all that being said, I need to be honest with you guys. I'm struggling a bit right now. Like the name of the blog suggests, I'm not perfect. And though I've kicked the ass of the eating disorder that I struggled with for so long, I still have my bad days. Right now, I'm having one of them. I feel like a bit of a stranger in my own body and I don't like the feeling. Some days, weeks, months, I eat really well without giving it a second thought, bounce out of bed to run to the gym, and love every second of it. This is not one of those times.
|Everyone has days they feel like this. |
I'm having one now.
One of the turning points in my recovery was when my doctor told me that my eating disorder was not THE issue, the eating disorder was A symptom. When you're in the bathroom throwing up your food multiple times a day this sounds like, pardon my french, a crock of shit. It took me a few years to figure it out but the day I finally understood what my doctor was talking about was a day I felt like the universe literally got in my face and shouted "EUREKA!" It changed my life.
What does that have to do with what I'm feeling right now? It means I need to dig deeper than just "I'm having a fat day," and figure out what's bothering me. There is something going on inside that is bigger than "stop eating Cadbury mini eggs." I'm unhappy or worried about something that I haven't addressed. Maybe because I can't identify it yet, maybe because I don't want to, but knowing that I need to figure out the issue is what separates "recovered me" from "eating disordered me."
This post may be a bit Debbie Downer-ish, but I thought it was an important one to share.
I'd rather be honest than perfect.