Denial ain't just a river in Egypt

I'll admit I currently have one large fault as a woman: I hate shopping.  I used to love it but ever since I've become stupidly happy with my life, the idea of "things" just doesn't excite me as much anymore. Sadly, we do not live in a world where clothes that fit and that I like magically appear in my closet so I was forced to go shopping today.  And instead of being a fun, zen like activity, I left the store infuriated.  (and not because of the prices!)

How my jeans normally fit.

I headed to the Gap for some basics and soon made my way to the dressing room with 2 sweaters, a pair of jeans, and a pair of shorts.  I even had a little pep in my step because it's been so long since I've been able to go in a store and find something I'm even interested in trying on.   That old feeling of being on a shopping high was returning!

Then, I discovered the ridiculousness that is Gap's vanity sizing.

When I tried on the jeans that were in my usual size, they were too big.  And I don't mean there was room to pinch an inch, I mean suddenly I was standing there wondering why it was so drafty in the dressing room until I realized it's because my pants were down around my ankles.  One size smaller?  Too big.  Two sizes smaller?  Now we're getting somewhere but it was at this point that I stormed out of the store in disgust.

How pants at the Gap fit.

Really, America? THIS is what we've come to?  We're so in denial about our own weight problems that instead of being responsible for what we put in our mouths we have made it so that manufacturers realize the key to our wallet is to call a size 16 a size 8?

This is complete and utter bullshit.

I am so sick of the entitled, coddling attitudes this country takes towards ourselves and I'm here to call it out.  If you want to/need to lose weight, deal with it like an adult.  Figure out what's going on, take responsibility for it, and make a change.  I absolutely realize a lot of weight problems are driven by emotional issues, but that is not an excuse!!!  The only person who can make any changes in your life is YOU.  So WHY are we blaming everyone else but ourselves?  Think we're not?  Then how do you explain how one of the biggest stores in America has CHANGED it's sizes in order to accommodate our new girth?

Maybe this sounds odd coming from me because I am very much about feeling good about yourself.  But let's turn the tables: would you think it's good that Gap is making a size 0 fit like a size 8 in order to help me deny I have an eating disorder?  NO.  I would hope you would tell me to get my act together and realize that I'm NOT healthy even if some designer's mislabeled pants tell me I'm fine.

It's time for all us of to put our girl/boy pants on and DO something instead of spending millions of dollars creating things to help us avoid facing our problems.  I know I can't single-handedly go in and re-label every pair of Gap jeans correctly, but I hope that I can inspire just one of you to make a change.

Want an example of one?  After my disaster of a shopping trip I took the stairs, all 6 flights of them, back to my car instead of taking the elevator.  If we all start making little changes maybe these sizes will go back to normal, our health care premiums will drop, and we'll live longer, better lives.

It's time to take off your fat pants, America.

Parents just don't understand.

I recently came across another article in that favorite tabloid of mine, The Daily Mail.  This one was written by a mother who was a former bulimic and how she approaches weight issues with her children. You can read it here.  Basically, the woman's 10 year old son complained that he had a belly and mom agreed with him.  While I think it is important for parents to be realistic with their children, I also think that there are ways to talk to kids that emphasize health and not weight.  This is not one of those ways.

Will Smith, circa 1988, made a good point.

My own parents were great examples for me to grow up with; I cannot recall one time during my childhood that I ever heard my mom express any dissatisfaction with her body, and my dad was a super athlete who worked out every day.  However when I "came out" about my eating disorder they made some of their own cringe-worthy comments that sometimes surprised me. Fortunately I was at a point in my recovery that I was able to see the comments for what they were: confusion about how to deal with this a situation they were unprepared for.


But the aforementioned article & my own parents reminded me of an important lesson that we often forget:  parents are not perfect.


Yes, I can judge this woman for what she says to her son, but I also understand that she is coming from a place of love, even if I feel that the execution is wrong.  As much as therapists want us to blame our parents, I think that if you can remove yourself from a conversation in which your parents made a misstep, you can (usually) find that the comment is coming from a good place.


BUT, just because it's coming from a place of love doesn't make it ok.  If your mom or dad is consistently making comments that bother you, don't just assume that if you roll your eyes or indulge them with a "ha ha" that they'll understand the effect their words are having on you.  Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and say "Hey, that really hurts my feelings."  9 times out of 10 your next of kin will probably be shocked to hear this and will instantly knock it off.  But you must remember that family (and friends) are not mind readers.  From time to time you will have to help them help you feel good about yourself.

I think it's important for us as adults to make this distinction and stand up for ourselves.  We are no longer the defenseless kids who would be grounded for talking back to our parents.  If someone makes a joke about you going back for a second slice of cake/being single/laying around in your PJ's watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade instead of going for run, it's important for your own self awareness and acceptance to let them know if it makes you feel bad.

In the words of Jerry Maguire, help them help you.

How I starved myself & gained 30 pounds.

One summer in the midst of my eating disorder I decided I could no longer handle the bingeing and purging and was going to starve myself.  I had always beaten myself up about what a "lousy" anorexic I was but I was at a point in my illness where I didn't feel I had any other choice.

This was me around any food, not just cupcakes.

So I did.  I ate minimal calories, worked out maximum hours, and led a completely miserable existence.  I got dizzy every time I stood up, was winded by the effort it took to blow dry my hair, and twitched more than a crackhead every time I was around the day old Panera sandwiches they were serving at the executive luncheons.  I was tired, I was hungry, but I lost some weight so ultimately the end justified the means, right?

Wrong.

Eating excessively small amounts of calories over an extended period is not a "lifestyle choice."  It sets you up for bigger binges and at the same time slows down your metabolism.  This is a recipe for weight gain, not weight loss.  Plus, once you start eating like a normal person again your metabolism does not catch up quite so quick.  It can take years to get your body back to it's maximum calorie burning potential.  (It took me about 2 years and a nutritionist to fix the damage I'd done to myself.)

So, yeah, I lost 15 pounds.  And I was a completely raging bitch while I was doing it. I finally couldn't take it anymore and just wanted to eat reasonably.  So I did.  And I gained back the 15 pounds I'd lost PLUS an additional 15 thanks to my metabolism that had been part of a hit and run against my own body.

The only thing that can create sustainable, long lasting weight loss AND encourage your friends to still speak to you is by eating right and exercising.  I know that you've heard this a million times & that you've probably had a stomach flu or two that left you feeling a little lighter on your feet once you were able to stand upright again.  I wanted to share my experience so that you can hear a real life example of someone who tried it & was momentarily successful with it, and then had to learn the hard way that the inevitable failure is ten times (or pounds) worse than the original five pounds you were unhappy with.

This is one time where you shouldn't follow my example.

Preach on, Kelly Clarkson

A friend of a friend of mine recently made the very difficult decision to go to rehab for help with a problem he's been having.  Though all of my eating disorder treatment was outpatient, I know how hard this decision is to make and I admire and applaud him for his strength.  Talking to my friend about it has caused me to reflect on my own treatment experience and how true the old adage, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger," really is AND how helpful that phrase can be when you really USE it to help you get through a challenge, be that a fitness one or life in general.

See?  There's always a bright side.

Though it sucked, my experience with my ED is probably one of the best experiences I've ever been through.  Yes, I said that an illness that was causing me to make myself throw up 6 times a day, go to the gym for 4 hours at a time, and skip friends birthday parties because I was "afraid" I'd have to eat is one of the BEST experiences I've gone through.  I learned more about myself from it than any other single event I've gone through in life, and it has made me into the relatively self aware person that I am today.  I mean, hell, my boyfriend told me (with a straight face) this weekend that one of his favorite things about me is how rational I am.  I know that this is largely because of how all of my treatment throughout the ED taught me how to think.

When you're going through something that is so overwhelming you want to crawl into bed for a week, it's very easy to do just that.  What isn't easy is looking at the situation and going, "Wow.  This is HARD.  How do I get through this hardness?"  Sure, you can stay focused on the crappy events at hand and wallow in your misery, but what does that accomplish?  The most valuable thing that my treatment ever taught me, the thing that literally defines the aforementioned cliche is to look at a shitty situation and ask, "What can I learn from this?"

If I related every lesson that the ED taught me I'd be here for a week, but asking that question may be what saved my life.  It allowed me both to acknowledge all the bad feelings I was having (something that the ED never did since instead of feeling the feelings I would just stuff myself full of food and throw it up instead) AND forced me to say to myself, "Ok self, you're going through this and it sucks, but what can you learn from it to make it slightly more bearable?"  That latter option is what really made me turn the corner in recovery.

Sing it, sister.

Whether you're dealing with a workout slump or a boyfriend who cheated on you, finding the silver lining will make it that much easier to get through the rain.  Haven't been to the gym in a month?  Maybe your brain is trying to tell you you're bored with your routine and need to shake it up.  Boyfriend slept with some floozy?  That gut feeling you've been ignoring about him is probably right and in the future you should trust yourself more.  See what I mean?  Suddenly the situation isn't so overwhelming and is downright interesting!

Ok, so it may take some time to get to feeling THAT positive about hard situations, but I promise, much like your muscles, if you continue to train your brain to think this way it will become stronger & more fit just like your body does after regular time in the gym.  Give it a try!

You get what you give: not just a one hit wonder.

Sadly, since I'm a pop culture addict, the phrase "You get what you give," brings to memories a one hit wonder band from the 90's called The New Radicals.  My boyfriend when I was 16 (hi, Tim!) was one of four people in America to buy the full album, so I heard the song often.  Thus, whenever this cliche is uttered I immediately start singing, "Wake! Up! Kids!  We've got the dreamers disease, age, 14, they got you down on your knees, da da da *mumble mumble* you only GET WHAT YOU GIIIIIVE!"  ((Check out this cute little video to hear it in all its train wreck glory. Oooh, penguins! )

Remember these guys?  Uh...me either.

What does this have to do anything?  Well, for one, the story amuses me, BUT the real reason I started on this tangent is because no where does the phrase "You get what you give" ring more true than in the gym.  This is what got me hooked on spin.  Sure, when you run a mile, you're only running as fast as you can push yourself,  but since I don't give a crap about running fast this was never a motivating factor for me.  BUT, put me in a dark room with Britney Spears blasting and some muscley sweaty man yelling at me to move my ass and I channel my hatred towards him into a killer workout that leaves me wanting to make sweet, sweet love to him by the end of class. (Damn you endorphins.)

I remind my students of this when I'm teaching my own classes: why did you drag your ass out of bed at 6am this morning?  To watch me work out?  I don't think so.  The ONLY person you are cheating when you don't give as much as you can during a workout is....yourself.  Sucks, doesn't it?  You think I don't see you pretending to twist the resistance knob to the right as we climb a hill in class?  I do, but even if I didn't, it doesn't mean you burned more calories because you were able to "trick" me.

Whether you want bigger muscles or a smaller size of Sevens, the ONLY person who can make that happen is YOU.  If you're not willing to put in the blood, sweat, and hours it takes to train and to shop for healthy food, then your dream will remain that: a dream.  

Whining doesn't burn calories.

Affirmations: not just a bunch of touchy feely BS.

The Holstee Manifesto.  My guidelines for life.

When I was in the beginning of my struggles with my eating disorder, one of my biggest reasons for resisting help was because I hated what I perceived therapy to be.  I thought of it as a bunch of relaxation exercises with hippie dippie instructions like, "Feel the river filling up your body and washing away your worries."   I figured my eyeballs would get stuck staring at the ceiling because I'd be rolling them so much.  This is also why yoga has never resonated with me.  (I have since learned that there are many different styles of yoga so please, yoginis, don't freak out on me.)

I was very surprised when I went to therapy for the first time and found that there are a lot of therapists who understand my want and need to be able to explain my feelings in a logical way.  It doesn't have to be new age-y music and waving bundles of sage around.

But there is one thing that even the most practical of therapists continued to suggest to me and I continued to resist: affirmations.

I hated the idea of looking at myself in the mirror and a la Stuart Smalley saying cheesy stuff like, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me."  I still hate it.  But one day my roommate/life coach changed my whole perception of these nifty mind tricks.

She had heard a story on NPR that talked about affirmations that presented them simply as affirmative statements to yourself.  I guess that's kind of what Stuart Smalley does, but this seemed way less hokey.  For instance, one of hers was, "I will floss my teeth today."  Not, "I will floss my teeth in order to feel my healthy beautiful gums flourishing in all their grandeur," simply, "I'll floss."  Well, now that I could do!

I've been doing it for the past few weeks and color me shocked, it actually helps!  Starting the day off with a practical discussion with myself keeps my brain on the straight and narrow without making it a gag inducing "affirmation" that I'd never take seriously.  I've even found "affirmation art" like the Holstee manifesto at the top of this post that resonates with me in a positive way without laying it on too thick.  (You can purchase it here.)

So if, like me, you find affirmations too hokey, try to think of it as simply giving yourself a pep talk.  To use a sports metaphor that even your boyfriend could be into: you are the coach of your life.  A good coach never lets the players on the field without firing them up first, why be a player in your life without the same thing?

Ten, hut!

Give me 10 minutes.

Listen up, folks!  I'm about to let you in on the only 10 minute exercise plan that will actually work.  Guarantee it!  No Jersey Shore meat head endorsements, no clearly photo shopped before and after photos, no overpriced horrible tasting supplements to buy.  This will get you on the path to fitness, change your body, and send feel good signals to your brain and the best part is: it's free.

"Lies!" you say.  "If it sounds too good to be true it probably is!"  Well yes, my wise fitness-y grasshopper, usually that is the case.  But this time, it's as easy as it sounds.

OK Homer, but give me 10 minutes on the treadmill first!

Tomorrow when you wake up, (or head out of the office, depending on your exercise schedule) dreading your workout, I want you to tell yourself, "All I have to do is run/bike/hike/swim/spin/boot camp for 10 minutes."  10 minutes.  That's it.  And after 10 minutes if you would rather stick forks in your eyes then do another minute of physical activity, you can stop.  For real.  Go sit down on the couch and open a beer for all I care.  What I do care about is those 10 minutes.

You see, one of my favorite things about exercise, in addition to making us fit into our clothes, is that once you start doing it, your body releases these nifty little hormones called endorphins.  Know when else your brain lets these fun little chemicals out to play?  During an orgasm.  So it's true, exercise really IS as good as sex!

My point is: once you start doing a physical activity, even if you try to make excuses to yourself that would put a 7th grader who forgot to do his homework to shame, chances are you'll keep going for longer than your initial 10 minutes.  You'll be hitting your running stride, checking out that cute girl/guy on the treadmill next to you, and next thing you know 10 minutes are up.  And since you've already driven to the gym/hiking path/pool, found parking, and dealt with that annoying guy at the front desk who always calls you "bruh", you might as well continue kicking ass and taking names for another 20 minutes or more.

Everyone can find 10 minutes. And heck, if you need another reason to give it a shot think about this: every 10 minutes you exercise, somewhere a Kardashian loses it (and it's crappy weight loss product endorsement) wings.

Don't let the terrorists win.

Change sucks, and that's ok.

If you're a thinking, feeling human being reading this post, and not just some spambot, (or the Canadian porn star serial killer) then you probably already know this, but I'll say it anyway: Change is HARD.   It wreaks havoc on your emotions, your lifestyle, and if you're an emotional eater like me, your body.  I have tried reading countless inspirational quotes to chase the negativity away, have recited numerous affirmations to myself on a daily basis and yet I still have days where I want to crawl into bed with Twitter and a pile of chocolate and not face any of the daily struggles that surround big changes.

Change is hard.  Have a meltdown, but don't give up.

Deciding to lose weight or get fit means there are going to be changes in your lifestyle.  And what many people don't realize when declaring, "I'm going to lose 20 pounds!" is how uncomfortable those changes can be.  They go to their first summer BBQ, feeling sanctimonious about their new lease on life, and they shun the hot dogs and beer, no problem.  But then they have a bad week and next thing you know they're saying, "To hell with it!" and piling their plate with potato salad.

In order for a muscle to become stronger it has to be broken down.  This is what happens when you lift weights.  When you challenge your muscles with resistance you make micro-tears in them.  When these tears repair themselves, your muscle builds back stronger and larger.  (This is a very simple explanation of a complex process, so if you want to understand this further, don't listen to me, read more here .)  Lifting weights doesn't feel like skipping among the tulips.  It's WORK!  And life, like your muscles, works the same way.

We are inundated with so many positive messages about how fun and easy change is, (thanks, Oprah!) that I think we often are surprised when we go to make our own changes and experience a lot of discomfort.  What the Dr. Phil's of the world don't talk about is how much of a struggle change can be on a daily basis.

Well, no more.  I'll be the first to tell you, "CHANGE SUCKS!"

It forces you out of your comfort zone, it makes you break habits that are familiar and comfortable, and it requires you to take a risk.  It's going to make you mad, anxious, and frustrated.  AND THAT'S OK.   I give you my blessing to have an epic meltdown at least once during your process of change.  I promise you one day even Heidi Klum collapsed at the end of her treadmill in tears while she was trying to lose her baby weight.

So stop beating yourself up for being human, but whatever you do, DON'T stop pursuing your goal.   The end always justifies the means.

The price of fitness

Being a 6 foot tall woman, pants are very important to me.  Specifically, the fit of my pants.  Haunted by photos from my childhood where my pant legs were hanging 3 inches from the floor, paired with (traumatic) memories of my mom asking me when the flood I was prepared for was happening, it's become one of my "things." (Unsurprisingly, therapy is also one of my "things.")  Consequently, I will spare no expense when it comes to the cost of my pants.

What does this have to do with anything?

If paying for this guy to train you is what
will get you in the gym, count your pennies
and do it.

Sometimes in order to commit to fitness, you have to make it one of your "things."  And by thing I mean you make it a priority in your budget, not just your life.  Yeah, 24 Hour Fitness has great membership fees that can run you only $20/month, but if the closest one to your house is 10 miles in the opposite direction of your job and your apartment, how likely is it that you're going to make a habit of going there?  Or maybe there's a gym in the same shopping center as your office that you're a member of, but you'd rather gargle with ground glass than shower there before work.  You can either go at a different time, OR you can spend the extra money to find a gym with eucalyptus towels that will start your day off right.

The amount of money I spend on my pilates every month could cover the lease of the brand new Acura TL I'm coveting.  Yeah, it's that expensive.  But you know what?  Pilates has made me leaner and been way more fun than any other exercise I've ever tried.  It's why I've stuck with it for 3+ years and it still challenges me every session. I know if I went back to training on my own I'd be bored in a month and frustrated by the lack of changes in my body.  And so, I drive a 2013 Acura in my dreams, and a 2003 Lexus, with a dented front end, in real life.  Because I'd rather spend my money on getting visibly ripped 6 pack abs than on a sexier vehicle to drive my less sexy self around in.  

So take a look at that gym membership that's automatically being taken out of your bank account each month but that you haven't actually put to use in 6 weeks.  I bet if you stopped going out to (likely unhealthy) lunches twice a week at the office and combined that money with the gym fees you're already paying, you could go check out that new cardio barre studio you've been wanting to try.  Or pay for a trainer at that personal training gym right next to the office.  I bet you'll even be surprised at how good it feels spending the money on something that you enjoy and can stick with even if it costs more than the Joe Gym membership.  

Remember, fitness doesn't have to feel like a punishment.  Much like life, it's ok to indulge in luxuries if ultimately it'll help make you a happier, healthier you.

Future You

For today's inspiration I look to my roommate, aka my pseudo lifecoach.  (You can have your own direct access to her advice in 140 characters @thejulieeffect .)  We have had many a chat about everything from men to work to families and one of the most wise and universal pieces of advice that Julie has given me is this:

"What's best for future Marna?"

This phrase fell on deaf ears for a long time, or rather a mind that was quick to forget it.  Butwe were having a conversation the other day where this advice was again brought up (probably about something deep like why our DVR wasn't recording Real Housewives of the OC),  and the profoundness of it finally hit me.

Future you.

What will make a better you tomorrow:
This....

What exactly does this mean?  It means making choices that while they might not feel the best right now (not buying the Cadbury mini eggs), it will make life better for the you of tomorrow (no guilty feelings about inhaling the bag of mini eggs in under 5 minutes).  Seems easy when you think about it that way.  So let's apply this to a larger life decision, which is where it will really punch you in the throat.

Say you go on a first date with an awesome guy/girl.  Witty banter, delicious food, sparks are flying, everything's great.  He/She mentions in passing they're not really into the whole "commitment thing" but what do you care?  This is date one.  Well, date one soon turns into date two and then comes month one and month two.  You're really into this person and you think you see a future with them.  But they have mentioned again that they are not looking for a relationship.  You know you SHOULD get out, but you like them so much and think if you just give it "one more week" they'll realize how awesome you are and they'll lock it down.

So you wait.

Another two months go by and there's still no sign of commitment.  Your feelings continue to be hurt when you hear about other dates he/she have gone on, when they fail to call when they say they will, or when the only time they call is around 1am on a Saturday.  When you're together you feel SO good but you spend most of the time you're apart feeling bad about yourself.  Here's where you ask yourself: what's best for future you?

.....or this?

While waking up tomorrow after dumping him/her might suck, think about the you 2 months down the road. This toxic person is out of your life and there's now room in your heart for someone who is funny, sexy, smart, kind, AND wants to be in a relationship with you.

That's choosing future you.

I understand I digressed from the fitness angle of it here, but having emotional health is as important if not more important to your health success.

To wrap this up on a fitness-y note: every morning when my alarm goes off at 6am my first thought is, "Ugh, can't I just skip the gym today?"  Yes, me, who gets up most mornings before work to work out STILL has this battle with myself every day.  But when I think about how I'll feel in 3 hours after my workout is done, I know that future me will feel MUCH better if if I get up and do the damn thing.

So next time you're struggling with a decision big or small, forget about yourself in the immediate moment and focus on the you 2 hours or 2 days from now.  That "you" knows what to do.

Yeahhhh, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday....

Every Monday morning at 5:45am my alarm goes off.

It wakes me from the dreams of a fun filled weekend and shakes me back to a reality filled with emails to answer, phone calls to return, and 50+ hours spent chained to my desk.  While this sounds quite unappealing (and trust me, a lot of the time, IT IS) there's a method to the madness and that "madness" is a paycheck.  I go to work every day so that I can bring home a paycheck and be able to afford a roof over my head, food on the table, and the occasional overpriced pair of designer jeans.

Let's take this example and apply it to your body.  

What if you looked at your body as your full-time job, with your health as your paycheck?  I imagine you'd be treating it a heck of a lot better than many people do on a day to day basis.  You'd probably be working a little harder and paying a little bit more attention to what goes in your mouth if you knew that at the end of the week it meant you'd have money to be able to buy yourself some fancy shoes at Prada.

OK, so this is not quite what I mean.

Unfortunately, most people don't take their health nearly as seriously as they do their work.  Have a meeting with the boss at 5pm on Friday?  Bet you're not canceling it even if you spill chicken parm all over your tie while you're at lunch.  Have to stay 20 minutes late to finish that very important project?  This annoyance is reason to cancel your gym date with your bff and go home and watch this week's episode of Revenge with your good friends Ben & Jerry.

What am I getting at?

Working out should be an appointment that you can't cancel.  Eating right should be a deadline that you can't miss.  Look, I get it, work is demanding and it's hard to make time to go to the gym.  But when did keeping the ol' ticker working so that you can oh, I don't know, stay alive become something that can easily be brushed aside while you'd miss your first born's birth before you'd ignore an email from the boss?

It's time to get your priorities in order.  I'm sure every one of us could find thirty minutes somewhere in the day to go for a walk.  It's why my alarm goes off so ungodly early.  I may not always want to get up that early but I know what my morning gym session does for my mind and my body so, much like a weekly meeting at the office I'm required to attend, I do not cancel on myself unless there are extreme circumstances.  (And yes, occasionally a very hot man in bed with me qualifies as an "extreme circumstance.")

Eating right and exercising are not options, they are essential to your longevity.  You're not going to have the time to spend all that money you're killing yourself to earn if you are literally killing yourself by not taking care of your health.  So stop thinking of it as something you'll do "when you have time" and start making it a daily date that will get you fired if you miss.

The boss has spoken.

You talkin' to ME?

Do you understand the words
that are coming out of your mouth?

We've all got an inner monologue and I'm pretty sure that everyone's inner voice has the nasty habit of being negative from time to time.  Hey, we're human, it happens.

But so many people have an inner voice that pops up way more often than it should, and it tells them terrible things about their own body.  You ate too much, you ran too little, you are not good enough.  Many of us become so used to hearing these messages that we even start to believe our own negative hype.

Let's put this in perspective.

Think about a negative thought that you may have about your body.  Now, imagine saying that thought, out loud, to your best friend.  Or your sister.  Or your dog.  Like this:

"Hey best friend, if you don't lose 10 pounds, no one will ever love you."

WHOA, hold the heck on, you say.  I would never talk about my best friend like that!  He/She is so awesome, who cares about 10 pounds?!

Exactly.

Why is it ok to tell ourselves these awful things that we would never in a million years say, or even think, about the people in our lives that we love so dearly?  Newsflash: it's not.

Thinking about my eating disorder this way had a huge impact on my recovery.  I first read about this concept in this great book Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaefer .  She described looking at her eating disorder as an abusive boyfriend named Ed (ED = eating disorder.  Convenient, huh?).  So many strong women like Jenni, and myself, would never take crap from a boyfriend but yet engage in a never ending abusive relationship within their own mind.  If some dude I was dating told me my butt was looking a little big in my pants, his own ass would be cold and alone in bed that night.  But yet, I used to tell myself that, and worse, multiple times a day.

So the next time you're berating yourself for going to happy hour with an old friend after a particularly bad day at work, or ordering dessert at your friend's birthday dinner, think about saying those thoughts out loud to another person.  Then flip your own internal script.

Mama always said, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

Doggone it, people like me!

Though his fashion choices could be deemed questionable, his message is spot on.

You may be asking yourself what in god's name could Stuart Smalley possible have to do with fitness and health.  Though, if you're under 25, you're probably just wondering who in god's name Stuart Smalley IS.  I can answer that question easily, here.  Stuart was an overly positive SNL character notorious for always putting a positive spin on things while being slightly delusional.  So, what does this have to do with you, me, and our own journeys to greater well-being?  I'll tell you.

Stuart always speaks in the affirmative.  This is what makes him both highly annoying and wise beyond his years.  Take that clip for example.  He doesn't say, "I hope I'm going to have a good show today."  Instead he says, "I AM going to have a good show today."  Well big deal, I bet any therapist worth half of their $150/hour fee would be able to tell you this is a good way to talk to yourself.  Yes, but Stuart is much more entertaining of a folk hero than any self indulgent therapist would be so I'm using him as an example.

When setting your health & fitness goals for the week, be more like Stuart.  Instead of saying, "I won't eat any sugar this week," a declaration that is sure to make anyone suicidal, change the wording to, "When I am craving something sweet I'll eat some fruit."  Or, "I won't sleep in and miss the gym this week," becomes, "I'll  go to 3 spin classes with my favorite teacher before Friday."  See how much more pleasant the latter examples in those sentences feel?  Instead of being something you feel a sense of dread about doing (who wants to think about a life without candy?) you give the task a positive spin and think, hey, yeah, I CAN do this.

WWSSD? (What Would Stuart Smalley Do?)

Lose weight, save money, & it's not a pyramid scheme!

Continuing on with yesterday's theme of what we're spending our hard earned dollars on, I've come up with a new savings plan.  I don't know about you, but I have a hard time resisting cravings.  I guess that's not totally true because if I gave in to every craving I had I'd weigh 500 pounds.  Nevertheless, I know I have a tendency to spend more money than I should on food because I get a hankering for it after a hard day.  In an effort to combat this, I try to cook myself 2 main meals on Sunday that I can then eat during the week.  Saves time, money, AND thought, which I don't have a lof of after a brain frying 10 hours at work.

But I digress.  You don't care about my meal schedules, you saw the words "lose weight" and "save money" and that's why you're here.  So, what's my secret?  I'll tell you.

I've been on a Dove chocolate kick lately.  Something about the texture combined with the extra rich chocolatey-ness has been my drug of choice lately.  But do you know how much a bag of those things cost?  5 bucks and a whole lotta calories.  I'm an all or nothing type girl so if I'm going to indulge in some Dove, I'm going to eat so much I put myself into a sugar coma. This "keep a bag at your desk and allow yourself one candy a day" bullshit that Shape magazine is trying to sell me ain't happening.

The other morning I was doing some early morning mental wrestling with this craving and trying to rationalize to myself why it was a bad idea to go to the grocery store before work to arm myself with a blue bag of Dove.  Rational thought was losing to immediate gratification so I soon resorted to good old fashioned bribery.

Feed the pig, not your mouth.

I've got a big ticket item I'm saving up for to be disclosed at a later date.  (oooh, just what the blog needs: mystery!  intrigue!  What could I possibly have up my sleeve?!  I know, the suspense is killing me too.)  While thinking about how happy this big ticket item is going to make me I thought about what better use the 5 bucks I'd spend on Dove could be put to if I instead contributed it to my "big idea" fund.  And voila!  Suddenly rational thought won out and I was not only convinced not to buy the oh so seductive chocolate, I was downright excited not to be parting with $5 of my corporate slave wages!

When I got to work I immediately transferred 5 bucks from my checking to my savings account.  A little ridiculous?  Absolutely.  A lot gratifying?  Yup.

So go ahead and give it a shot, and if you think it's a bit ridiculous, you're right!  But you can think that from the bus stop while I'm patting myself on the back for my ingenuity as I drive by you in my new car.  Who's laughing now?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Am I the only one who, as a child, was disappointed to find that the answer to this simple question was, "To get to the other side,"?  No?  OK, well, I was.  And why is that?  Because I like rewards.  Prizes.  Swag.  Call it what you will, I like it.

Reward yourself with this.....

I blame my childhood for this superficial aspect of my personality and I doubt that I'm alone in this.  How many of us were rewarded with things like ice cream when we got an A on a test?  A cupcake when we were the good citizen of the month?  Yes, childhood is filled with food rewards which can become problematic when we grow up.  Have a hard day at work?  Make yourself feel better with some chinese take out for dinner.  Get a promotion?  Go out to the trendy new tapas place and stuff your gullet.  And don't get me started on the holidays.

What does this have to do with your fitness?  Simple.  Stop making food a reward.  Make it to the gym 3 days this week?  No, calling Pizza Hut is NOT the way to celebrate your success.  Yet so many people fall into this trap.  What starts out as a cheat meal soon becomes a cheat day and then becomes a cheat weekend and next thing you know you're shocked that your pants still fit exactly the same.

....not that.

I learned this lesson many years ago and have a fabulous fitness wardrobe as a result.  One day I decided to stop rewarding myself with a creation from Coldstone as big as my head and instead, once I kept up my new fitness habit for 3 weeks, I treated myself to a new piece of workout wear from Lululemon.  Is it expensive?  Hell yes, absurdly so.  But I'll be damned if I wasn't more motivated to stick with it knowing there was a pretty new tank top to show off my strong looking lats if I hit my goal for the week.

I chose 3 weeks because I can't afford to shop Lulu every 7 days, but you can pick smaller items so that you can reward yourself weekly.  Want the new Nicholas Sparks novel?  Ugh, first, get some taste, but then, hey!  Can't have it til you eat protein with every meal from Monday to Friday.  Dying to download Adele's new album?  Go to spin class 3 times and it's yours.  You're still working towards a happy weekend treat only this one isn't going to leave you bloated and craving even more salt and sugar come Monday.

Try it out and give yourself a weekly fitness Christmas only without the stress and obnoxious relatives!