Parents just don't understand.

I recently came across another article in that favorite tabloid of mine, The Daily Mail.  This one was written by a mother who was a former bulimic and how she approaches weight issues with her children. You can read it here.  Basically, the woman's 10 year old son complained that he had a belly and mom agreed with him.  While I think it is important for parents to be realistic with their children, I also think that there are ways to talk to kids that emphasize health and not weight.  This is not one of those ways.

Will Smith, circa 1988, made a good point.

My own parents were great examples for me to grow up with; I cannot recall one time during my childhood that I ever heard my mom express any dissatisfaction with her body, and my dad was a super athlete who worked out every day.  However when I "came out" about my eating disorder they made some of their own cringe-worthy comments that sometimes surprised me. Fortunately I was at a point in my recovery that I was able to see the comments for what they were: confusion about how to deal with this a situation they were unprepared for.


But the aforementioned article & my own parents reminded me of an important lesson that we often forget:  parents are not perfect.


Yes, I can judge this woman for what she says to her son, but I also understand that she is coming from a place of love, even if I feel that the execution is wrong.  As much as therapists want us to blame our parents, I think that if you can remove yourself from a conversation in which your parents made a misstep, you can (usually) find that the comment is coming from a good place.


BUT, just because it's coming from a place of love doesn't make it ok.  If your mom or dad is consistently making comments that bother you, don't just assume that if you roll your eyes or indulge them with a "ha ha" that they'll understand the effect their words are having on you.  Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and say "Hey, that really hurts my feelings."  9 times out of 10 your next of kin will probably be shocked to hear this and will instantly knock it off.  But you must remember that family (and friends) are not mind readers.  From time to time you will have to help them help you feel good about yourself.

I think it's important for us as adults to make this distinction and stand up for ourselves.  We are no longer the defenseless kids who would be grounded for talking back to our parents.  If someone makes a joke about you going back for a second slice of cake/being single/laying around in your PJ's watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade instead of going for run, it's important for your own self awareness and acceptance to let them know if it makes you feel bad.

In the words of Jerry Maguire, help them help you.

Rut busting.

I may be blogging about fitness, a spin teacher, and getting certified as a pilates trainer, BUT that doesn't mean that I am immune to the occasional bout of the fitness rut.  You know the feeling.  You've been on a long streak of working out, feeling great, bouncing to the gym in the morning, and then one week you decide to take it easy and the next, you CANNOT get yourself out of bed, no matter how many alarms you set.  This is fine, and needed, on occasion.  But what happens when it drags on?  When two weeks drags into three and suddenly your jeans are feeling a bit more snug.  How do you bust out of it?

That's part of the reason I issued the Monday Morning Motivation 10 minute challenge.  As much for you as for me.  Maybe even (seflishly) more for me.  I am having a hell of a time meeting my weekly goal of 3 cardio workouts a week.  So I went back to basics by focusing on just 10 minutes a day.  Here are some other tricks I use to pull myself out of a fitness rut:

- Eat better:  If I'm skipping the workouts I at least try to rein in my snacking a little bit so that I don't get SO panicky and so, "eff it, I've screwed up, now I'm going to screw up in a BIG way" and start ordering stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut.  Less Cheez-Itz, more carrots.  If I'm doing something healthy for myself, I am much more likely to get out of my own way and back on the fitness wagon faster.

Does your treadmill look like this?
You might be in a rut.

- Take the stairs: OK so walking up 5 flights may not be equivalent to a full spin class but it's better than nothing.  And sneaking in activity reminds my body that it actually does like to move.  When you're in one of these ruts I think it's important to not become lazier than a sloth or you'll never get back on track.

- Change it up: I've been working out in the morning forEVER.  So during this period of rut-ness, I've switched my workouts to the evening.  I don't want to stay on this schedule forever, but for now, it's the difference between not working out at all and doing something.  I've also been running by the beach instead of on the treadmill.  Little breaks from your routine can make a big difference.

- Commit to a new fitness endeavor & tell people about it: I am a loudmouth.  I like to brag about my fitness achievements.  So if I sign up for a 5k and start telling people about it, I would rather gargle with ground glass then not do it.  I am too proud.  This doesn't work for everyone but is a GREAT motivator for me.

The most important thing I think you can do when you're stuck in a fitness rut is to not beat yourself up about it.  That doesn't give you license to sit on the couch and eat bon bons and tell yourself it's ok, but you don't need to berate yourself 8 hours a day either.  We ALL go through this at one time or another.  It's ok to have short "off" periods.  Just be sure to keep an eye on yourself and keep trying to do little things throughout the rut and trying out new activities, workout schedules, or trainers until you bust out of it.

I'd love to hear your rut busting techniques so leave a comment or tweet me!

The price of fitness

Being a 6 foot tall woman, pants are very important to me.  Specifically, the fit of my pants.  Haunted by photos from my childhood where my pant legs were hanging 3 inches from the floor, paired with (traumatic) memories of my mom asking me when the flood I was prepared for was happening, it's become one of my "things." (Unsurprisingly, therapy is also one of my "things.")  Consequently, I will spare no expense when it comes to the cost of my pants.

What does this have to do with anything?

If paying for this guy to train you is what
will get you in the gym, count your pennies
and do it.

Sometimes in order to commit to fitness, you have to make it one of your "things."  And by thing I mean you make it a priority in your budget, not just your life.  Yeah, 24 Hour Fitness has great membership fees that can run you only $20/month, but if the closest one to your house is 10 miles in the opposite direction of your job and your apartment, how likely is it that you're going to make a habit of going there?  Or maybe there's a gym in the same shopping center as your office that you're a member of, but you'd rather gargle with ground glass than shower there before work.  You can either go at a different time, OR you can spend the extra money to find a gym with eucalyptus towels that will start your day off right.

The amount of money I spend on my pilates every month could cover the lease of the brand new Acura TL I'm coveting.  Yeah, it's that expensive.  But you know what?  Pilates has made me leaner and been way more fun than any other exercise I've ever tried.  It's why I've stuck with it for 3+ years and it still challenges me every session. I know if I went back to training on my own I'd be bored in a month and frustrated by the lack of changes in my body.  And so, I drive a 2013 Acura in my dreams, and a 2003 Lexus, with a dented front end, in real life.  Because I'd rather spend my money on getting visibly ripped 6 pack abs than on a sexier vehicle to drive my less sexy self around in.  

So take a look at that gym membership that's automatically being taken out of your bank account each month but that you haven't actually put to use in 6 weeks.  I bet if you stopped going out to (likely unhealthy) lunches twice a week at the office and combined that money with the gym fees you're already paying, you could go check out that new cardio barre studio you've been wanting to try.  Or pay for a trainer at that personal training gym right next to the office.  I bet you'll even be surprised at how good it feels spending the money on something that you enjoy and can stick with even if it costs more than the Joe Gym membership.  

Remember, fitness doesn't have to feel like a punishment.  Much like life, it's ok to indulge in luxuries if ultimately it'll help make you a happier, healthier you.

Baby steps to the elevator....

Since I live in Hollywood and work in the industry, my thinking is often influenced by the entertainment industry.  (You just have to look at this post and this post to see what I mean.)  So today let's take a look at what one of my favorite movies, What About Bob, can teach you about your fitness goals!

Baby Steps.

I love this magical phrase!  Heck, I live this magical phrase!  We all know "that guy."  That guy who's never run a lap in his life but all of a sudden gets a brilliant idea that in order to motivate himself to be fit he'll sign up for a marathon that runs in a month.   He trains like hell for 3 days and then gives up because he hurt himself or he's feeling lazy and if he can't run that marathon goal he set for himself, then why bother running at all?

"That guy" is an idiot.

OK, idiot is harsh, let's call him misguided, shall we?  The intention is good, the execution is all wrong.  What he should do is break his plan down into baby steps.

I'll give you an example of a friend of mine, we'll call him Matt.  I would always talk to Matt about how great it felt getting up in the morning and working out before I went to work so, inspired by my waxing poetic, Matt decided to try it himself.  The first day, his alarm went off and he was awake but he stayed in bed.  The second day he got up but he complained to me that he was a failure because he only worked out for 10 minutes.  Man, what a loser, right?

WRONG!  This is baby steps at work!!

Instead of beating himself up for only working out for 10 minutes in the morning, I told Matt he should congratulate himself for getting up and working out for 10 minutes more than he did yesterday morning.  Then tomorrow he should challenge himself to get up and work out for 20 minutes.  Before he knew it, he would be getting up and working out for an hour in the morning and the whole process would be a hell of a lot less painful than Matt was already making it for himself.

Stop trying to go from 0 - 60 in a millisecond.  If a Porsche can't do it, what makes you think you should?  Pick one goal for yourself that you are going to do for one day.  That's it.  One day.  Don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, focus on this one day.  When you achieve this goal for this one day, then take stock of how you feel.  Did it make you feel good?  Great!  Try it again tomorrow but just for TOMORROW only.

Stop overwhelming yourself with the big picture and how many minutes on the treadmill it's going to take you to get there.  Yes, you can have an overall bigger goal, but during the process set those mini goals for yourself.  It makes habit changing much more manageable, enjoyable, and likely to stick.

What are you going to do today?

The only workout buddy who never flakes

Who could it be?

I love a good workout buddy.  After I missed a spin class we'd planned on taking, I once had my workout buddy call and leave me a voicemail saying, "I'm looking to cast someone for the role of WORST FRIEND EVER and she needs to be reallllllly fat.  Byeeee."  He was teasing & I laughed so hard I cried but trust me, I never missed a spin class I scheduled with him again.

However, people are not perfect.  Inevitably at some point during your relationship, your workout buddy will get sick, tired, hungover, or all of the above.  So while I LOVE a good gym partner, I also understand the limits of the relationship. (now if only I could apply this lesson to men...)

So what if I told you I know of a workout buddy who would NEVER cancel on you.  Who would always be happy to get your butt out the door rain or shine, hot or cold, hungover or tired.  Sounds too good to be true, right?  Well, it is almost is.

Best.  Workout Buddies.  Ever.

 Meet my favorite "people" to workout with: Sadie (in black) and Maggie (the tall one).  When I adopted Sadie 6 years ago she was 80 pounds.  80 POUNDS on that small little body.  (To give you perspective, in this recent pic she is at a happy healthy 48 pounds.)  She clearly needed to lose weight.  So we walked.  A lot.  And guess what?  Not only did SHE lose 20 pounds but *I* lost 13!  We didn't do doggie Crossfit or any of that nonsense....we just walked.  We walked for about 20 minutes every day and the weight fell off of us both.  Now Sadie is a bit older and more arthritic, so I take my roommate's dog, Maggie.  Maggie is always game for a 6 mile hike, 5 mile walk on the beach, or even a 4 mile run.  And she always is SUPER excited about it.  What other workout buddy have you had who bounces off the walls because they get to go run with you?  Her attitude is infectious and her happiness during our exercise motivates me to go farther and faster because she is having so much fun.

These buddies come with their own set of issues even though they are consistent gym partners.  So PLEASE don't adopt on a whim.  They require a lot of time, energy, and money.  BUT the love they give back is tenfold and you'll always have a friend ready for an outdoor calorie burning adventure, even when you're not.

If that's not a win-win, I don't know what is.

UPDATE:  Well looky here!  Was doing some dog related research on the ol' internet and it seems I'm in good company in my thinking of dog as fitness partner.  Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) says she used her dog as a fitness trainer when her doctor told her she should drop a few pounds. Not so Fat Greek Wedding anymore!

Hate running? Don't do it.

Listen up.  I'm about to impart wisdom that those of you who hate running have been dying to hear:

If you hate it, you don't have to do it.

Yes, I am giving you 100% permission to banish running from your fitness routine.  Starting today, you never have to do it again!  But, like most things in life, there is a catch.

You have to find what it is you do love.  People often ask me what *I* do to stay as lean as I am.  What does it matter?  What works for me might not work for you.  Take spinning for example.  I am spin fanatic!  In fact, I love it so much that 2 years ago I got certified as a spin teacher so I could share my passion with others.  "Others" started out as two friends of mine who were so inspired by my excitement about spin that they asked to come to a class with me.

They hated it.

HA!  I could've been confused by this, but I get it!  My passion is MY passion, not theirs.  They have to find what works for them.  That's why these "one size fits all" workout programs that guarantee results are such bullshit to me.  NOTHING gets results if you'd rather stick forks in your eyes than do the workout.  Yet people continue to punish themselves and attempt to stick with exercise routines they hate, and then they're shocked when they can't stick with it.

This is me giving you full permission to never again engage in a fitness activity that you detest.  You never have to run another mile, take another yoga class, or swim another lap if you don't want to.   But you DO have to find your some kind of exercise that inspires you and, in a perfect world, you look forward to doing it most days.

(Sorry, my advice of "don't do it" does not allow you to forgo exercise completely.  And if your favorite form of exercise is arm curls from the cheeto bag to your mouth I'm not going to encourage you.)

so what are you going to do today?